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MARIJUANA The Vortex of the Spiritually Blind
It was on New Years Eve of 1987 that as a babe in Christ just several months old spiritually speaking. I had backslidden and fallen back into the sin of smoking marijuana. And my back slidding was the direct result of never fully repenting of and totally laying down the sin of smoking cigarettes. I had just been to the Christian Book Store and the CTA bus was carrying me right past the home of some old friends from an old neighborhood who I had not seen since many months before being saved. So I stopped by to give them some tracts and to witness to them.
Looking back I now realize that if I had never gone back there to visit, I very well might not have fallen at all. It was New Years Eve and I didn’t even make it to the turn of 1987. It was one of the darkest days of my life. Because as I sat there talking with my old friend, people just began to show up from my old neighborhood. And the joints (marijuana cigarettes) began to be passed and I just passing them on without taking a hit.
It was then that someone said: “Hey Ray, how come you’re not getting high?” And I said something to the effect of: “I’m a Christian now and so I don't do that any more!” Then they ask: “What’s the difference between you smoking Marlboro’s and us smoking Marijuana?” And then Satan began planting a seed of disobedience into my heart as he whispered ever so insidiously: “That's right, it's basically the same sin so what’s the big difference, except for the way they make you feel. Go ahead, just smoke one joint. You can ask forgiveness later.”
After hitting that marijuana cigarette a few times I began to get high and someone offered me a beer. And suddenly I was more comfortable and less fearful. After all I reasoned: “What’s the difference between smoking one marijuana cigarettes and drinking one beer?” I had arrived at that house around three o’clock in the the afternoon and by ten o’clock at night I was so high and drunk that I staggered onto a CTA bus praying to stay conscious long enough to just make it home. I never even remembered changing buses at Damen and Montrose Avenue or riding on home. Yet what I do remember is going in and vomiting in the bath tub with my Atheist Dad standing behind me waving my Bible in my face and yelling in mockery at me and against the Word of God. He was so cruel about it that I'm not really sure if he was actually mad and disappointed or if he was taking great delight in making me feel like the world's greatest hypocrite and failure?
As I awoke the next morning I suddenly realized that the joy of my salvation experience was gone. And though I had grown up in an environment of humiliating verbal abuse and shame all my life, for the first time in my life I really felt ashamed. Deeply ashamed. And up until that point I really had not experienced true spiritual warfare. Yet suddenly there was an attack of such damning guilt and despair that I didn’t even want to pray. I felt like Adam and Eve must have felt being driven from the garden of Eden. Like I was forever cursed.
Perhaps growing up in a home under the dictatorship of a communist Dad whose greatest hero was the Cuban leader Castro, had something to do with it? Perfection was always demanded and I never heard many kind words at all. So the only concepts of love and forgiveness that I really knew came from God. Only I had messed that all up and thought God must be really angry with me. So from that time on I began to live in doubt of ever finding God again as I struggled against such great inner condemnation and against both the Cigarette and Marijuana habits as I found myself becoming enslaved to marijuana once again.
It was not long after that, that I moved to Georgia for a season but returned to Chicago in 1988 where I ended up becoming a cocaine addict and came very near to committing suicide under the tormenting voices of the powers of darkness. I've written an article about that hellish experience and God's grace in my life during that time when He miraculously delivered me from the power of that addiction in answer to my desperate prayers. The article is titled: “Victory over the spirit of Suicide.” I ended up leaving Chicago again and returning to Georgia after that. Yet having a heart that was bent upon back sliding, I still kept falling into the Cigarette and Marijuana habits.
Then one day in 1989 I was riding in a small pick up truck smoking a joint (marijuana cigarette) with my cousin and my late Brother In-Law when a song by CCR came on the radio. It was "Bad Moon Rising." And as I sat there listening, I realized that the words to this song were very reminiscent of the prophetic events described in the book of Revelation. And so very hypocritically I sat there thinking: “These people are so blind, because they are singing about the end of time and every one listens to them totally blinded to the fact that they are all going to Hell.”
What happened next was if God could not take any more of my own utter spiritual blindness. Because no sooner than that thought came into my mind, I was immediately transported in the spirit right out of that truck and into a wide awake vision that I will never forget. I know for certain that it was not a drug induced hallucination because no high person could ever imagine such a Scripturally based God fearing vision which resulted in me becoming so instantly sober and in my right mind.
I can not tell you exactly where I was taken or even if I was in my body or out of my body? All I know is what I was shown and what God said to me. I found myself standing in complete and utter darkness as if I were standing in the middle of outter space without any stars or celestial bodies shining. And all that I could see before me was this enormous spiraling vortex that had clouds of smoke (as if from a burning furnace) swirling around within its walls like a massive black hole in outter space. Only I could see the light of the flickering flames of a burning Hell deep within the center and at the end of this vortex. Then as I began to look closer I notice what appeared to be human souls through the swirling smoke caught up in the force of this massive vortex as they were descending around and around, deeper and deeper towards that burning hell within the vortex. Only there was something strange about these individuals. They all had fleshly growths of thick skin over their eye sockets covering and blinding their eyes.
Then suddenly as I was standing there, I saw an image of my own soul floating out in the open and middle of this vortex. In that I was not caught up in the swirling force of its descending twirling mass; Rather, I was just drifting deeper and deeper towards that burning Hell that waited just below. And looking at my eyes I noticed that there was no growths covering them, but they were wide open. And I had the most ignorantly oblivious dreamy expression on my face that I had ever seen. And it was at this point that God spoke to me and said:
“You think that you are safe because you know the truth and because you believe that you are not as spiritually blind as every one else. Yet they are all going to Hell with their eyes blinded by Satan. You are going to Hell with your eyes wide open. So who's the bigger fool, them or you? And what you fail to realize is that every time you recognize the urgent spiritual realities of this life, it is really Me showing them to you because I am trying to wake you up. I have called and called out to you but you have not awakened to repent. My mercy endures forever and you can be saved. But you are now in grave danger of going to Hell because your ears are dull of hearing and your heart has become so hardened by your sin. This is now your final ultimatum. You must repent because if you do not, you are going to be lost in your sins forever because no matter how loudly I call, you have gone so far that you will no longer be able to hear me. You must awake!”
No sooner than God left off warning me to repent, I came back to myself in that pick up truck and that song was still playing and they were handing me that marijuana cigarette. It was as if time itself had stood completely still during this vision and picked up moving again as soon as it was over.
I realize that this vision does not agree with the false doctrine of “Once Saved Always Saved.” But then again, I personally do not have the option of believing and living in one of the Devil's most damnable lies ever told. God has been too faithful to me to allow me to go Hell without warning me. And I thank God for it because He spoke to me out of His great care and love for my eternal soul in order to warn me. For God knew that the drug of Marijuana was destroying me spiritually and I was at a point of no return.
According to the demonic doctrine of “Unconditional Eternal Security” I could live and die blinded by the damning power of sin and still go to heaven because I had once been saved. Yet such a false teaching not only undermines the fear of God in the lives of those who embrace it. But it has also damned untold millions into the perdition of Hell and eternal darkness without God. If you are caught in the downward pull of this vortex of darkness that the Marijuana habit is, then it is my prayer that this testimony would awaken you to repent.
Your answer is the same as mine. It is through the Word of God and Prayer that we find the power to repent and it is by the fear of God that men depart from evil. After repenting I wrote a poem about this experience, using this same vision as my inspiration.
The Vortex
“Wherefore (as the Holy Ghost saith, To day if ye will hear his voice, Harden not your hearts, as in the provocation, in the day of temptation in the wilderness: When your fathers tempted me, proved me, and saw my works forty years. Wherefore I was grieved with that generation, and said, They do alway err in their heart; and they have not known my ways. So I sware in my wrath, They shall not enter into my rest.) Take heed, brethren, lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief, in departing from the living God. But exhort one another daily, while it is called To day; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin. For we are made partakers of Christ, if we hold the beginning of our confidence stedfast unto the end;” Hebrews 3:7-12
Into the vortex, first drawn then you're pulled No longer in control, because you have played the fool
Deeper and farther, it's no illusion of the mind Darker and harder, becomes a heart so truly blind
Questioning the reasons, your soul is under arrest Answering the meaning, you are failing at the test
The drift began slowly, accelerating so fast The currents grow stronger, as your future becomes your past
Standing in the sway, you do not comprehend With each passing day, you cling tighter to your sin
Your once fruitful field, is now a cracked dry desert land Your soul is parched and cries, when will you understand?
Insidious is the effect, of the world's hold on you The cares of life have snared your soul, you must admit it's true
Thus resist the Devil and he shall flee, your carnal lust deny Be afflicted, mourn and weep, and lay hold of God on high. ©1989 Raymond Bolton Pena
"But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble. Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded. Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up." James 4:6-10 Though the Articles and Poetic Contemplations on this Website are copyrighted, you are most welcome to make printed copies for free distribution only according to these conditions: You must copy them in their entirety, including the copyright notice at the end of each poem along with this notice of permission. Thank You. RemnantLifeMinistries.Net <<<<{{{{((((((((R.L.M.)))))))}}}}>>>>
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