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A Dream within a Dream
It was in the beginning of the nineties after meeting an Assembly of God Evangelist, that I went back to my home town of Uptown Chicago into what I thought would be an open door into the ministry. Strangely right before leaving to go back to Chicago with this Evangelist, I had a dream which was like a Macedonian call to bring the light of the Gospel to the homeless of Uptown. I was living in Summerville Georgia at a place called Lake Wanda Rita Apartments in Apartment #D8. It was the middle of a very hot day and I had the central air going full blast and lay down to sleep and began to dream. This dream was so life like and real that I actually thought I was awake because I was so aware of all my senses and physical feelings.
In this dream I found myself back in Uptown Chicago. I was sitting on a park bench along the bike trail at the lake front off Montrose Avenue. It was very warm outside and I could actually feel not only the heat but also a cool breeze coming off the lake. I could also hear the traffic coming from Lake Shore Drive behind me. And in the distance I could see the Montrose Beach House from behind and it was all boarded up like a fire gutted condemned building. Only there were some broken boards at a back door entrance and I could see something shining just inside as the rays of light from the Sun reflected upon whatever it was? And the more I looked the more curious I became until I decided to go over there and have a look inside.
Upon looking in I noticed that the beach house had no foundation, but instead it was built upon the sand. And lying there before me just a few feet inside, I beheld several gold coins of various sizes lying in the sand along with a discarded purse. Evidently the rays of the sun were reflecting off the gold coins and it appeared to me that someone had stolen this purse and in their haste they just tossed it into the beach house over looking these valuable coins which had been shaken loose and fell out. So I leaned in and began to pick the coins up when I heard something to my left. Looking over inside the beach house I noticed a homeless man in a dark corner rising up to stand. He looked very scruffy and wore a dirty, tattered trench coat. Realizing that I was disturbing him, I just dropped the coins and walked back over to the park bench and sat down. But looking back toward the beach house I saw this same homeless man crawling out through the broken opening in the door. He looked very angry as he then proceeded to walk toward me. As he drew very near I apologized to him and began to explain to him that I meant no disrespect because I did not know that he lived there. But he never answered or spoke a word as he pulled out a huge 357 Magnum hand gun and held it directly toward my forehead.
This dream was so real that it actually seemed like a nightmare. In that I could actually feel the very real fear and threat that my life was about to end very violently. And right as he began to pull the trigger I suddenly awoke and bolted strait up in the bed with my heart beating very rapidly. Yet what was so strange was the fact that upon awakening, every thing seemed so real from the dream that I actually had to pinch myself to make sure that I was really awake. I could also feel the freezing chill in that room from sleeping with the door closed and the central air going wide open. So after sitting there a moment being unnerved by that dream, I thought all was well and it was just a strange dream. I even wondered what it could have meant when suddenly this same homeless man with the huge hand gun came busting through my bedroom door.
You want to talk about being unnerved and wondering when the music from the Twilight Zone was going to start playing? I was really confused beyond all sense of reality, especially when he held that gun up aiming at my head again. It was almost like a strange Sci-Fi Horror Murder Mystery Movie taking place and I was the intended victim. But then suddenly this man pulls out another gun. Only it was so much smaller it could easily fit in the palm of anyone's hand. And he aims this other gun at me and he throws the huge 357 Mag. on the bed beside me and tells me to pick it up or he will shot me. So I pick the gun up and he then tells me to aim at him. And feeling as if I had no choice I slowly raised the gun wondering what was about to happen?
And then he says these words to me: "Only one of these guns might be loaded? And when I count to three I'm going to pull the trigger and blow your brains out. If my gun is loaded then you will die. Yet then again I might be lying and both guns might be loaded. In which case you will have to the count of three to decide if you want to kill me before I kill you." He then began to count slowly: "One.....Two....."
All this was happening so fast that I really did not have the time to mentally process all the twisted implications. And yet I did understand that if both guns were loaded, I had only one second to shoot first and save myself. (But why if I missed?) Yet if only my gun was loaded I might end up killing this lunatic with an empty gun aimed at my head? And finally if only his gun was loaded I was going to die any way? Who was this guy kidding? Because figuratively speaking he had already blown the brains out of my head without firing a single shoot just by being there! My mind was reeling and I was so confused that when he was about to say: "Three," and knowing that my time was up. I just threw the gun back onto the bed and I said: "I'm not playing this game, if you want to kill me go ahead and shot me."
When I did this, the homeless man became enraged and began cursing at me. Then he took the smaller gun that he had, and he placed it into his mouth. Realizing what he was about to do I ran toward him, but was not able to get to him before he began pulling the trigger. Yet nothing happened as he pulled the trigger over and over again. I then wrestled the gun from him and opened the bullet chamber and it was empty. Looking up at him I noticed that his eyes flashed suddenly to the gun on the bed. And then we both raced toward it and wrestling over it until I managed to pull it out of his hands. And when I opened the chamber I discovered that it was fully loaded.
At this point I looked at this man whose angry demeanor had changed to that of looking totally distraught. And I ask him: "Why did you try to trick me into killing you?" And his answer still haunts me to this very day. He held his head down and said these words: "I fear God and I know that if I kill myself I'm going to hell." Then looking up at me with those same eyes of pain that looked like two huge pools of liquid misery, he broke into tears as he continued on. Only this time he was sobbing in deep agony of heart and he said: "I just want to die. It's the pain." And if you could have only heard his voice when he said: "It's the pain." You would understand exactly how haunting his words were. Then I woke up again exactly as before bolting strait up in the bed feeling as if I was never dreaming at all but had just returned from some parallel dimension. As if I had just crossed over through some invisible door. The only difference was that I was now alone and this homeless man was gone. Though the Articles and Poetic Contemplations on this Website are copyrighted, you are most welcome to make printed copies for free distribution only according to these conditions: You must copy them in their entirety, including the copyright notice at the end of each poem along with this notice of permission. Thank You. RemnantLifeMinistries.Net <<<<{{{{((((((((R.L.M.)))))))}}}}>>>>
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